Thank you for occupying my heart (for a while)

“Mararamdaman mo yun, kapag ang isang tao ay magiging malaking bahagi ng buhay mo.”

It’s been a while since I felt something…..great. That feeling that I’m capable of feeling again after something tragic. It’s a bouyant feeling, most especially after I’ve learned so much and so many things that grow inside me.

I’m really grateful to find out that I’m capable of loving again because of you. Not entirely something intimate but rather a lovely friendship. My empty heart was suddenly filled with happiness, with elation, with satisfaction, with contentment…….with love.

Temporarity. I know eventually, This shall past. Not entirely fade away but sooner or later someone will find me. Someone will get my attention. What I’m feeling now will somehow reduce. But as for now, Do you mind if I you will be the apple of my eye? My attention is yours, my feelings are yours, you and only you. As long as I’m waiting for somebody to come, as long as I’m waiting for my true love that is so long to come. Don’t take this as a bad idea. Even you are waiting for that special someone you can call your Snow White. I’ll wait for the reality and while I’m waiting, I’ll be living in a fairy tale world where I already have my happy ending.

That moment you got in my perfectly rebuilt dull life, I felt something with you. The feeling that I know that you’ll have a great impact in my life even though we haven’t met each other yet. A color suddenly splat in my face. It crept throughtout my whole body and it was not boring anymore. Though it really took small steps to build up, I am most certain that you’ll have a cameo role in my life. In the most beautiful way that was planned. A wonderful friendship.

Thank you for filling up my heart. For a while. Temporarily.

Minsan pinakilig niya ako ng wagas. Muntik na akong maniwala.

The funniest joke I ever heard from him and still kept me smiling whenever I remember it.

One time nag-gm ako:

“Ang ganda naman ng pangalan mo. Pero mas maganda kung gagamitin mo yung apelyido ko.”

Nagreply siya ng pangalan niya, tapos ginamit niya yung apelyido ko. Kaya lang medyo sablay, mali yung spelling, tinama ko siya, tapos itinama niya yung sarili niya.

The Moment I Stop Believing in Love at First Sight.

I was fixing my things. Iniipon ko lahat ng gamit ko sa cabinet ko para kapag dumating yung panahon na aalis na ako ng bahay, isang hakutan na lang ang gagawin ko. Sinasalansan ko yung mga gamit para magkasya sa drawer, binubulatlat ko yung mga notebook at book na nakapatong sa taas ng cabinet para malaman ko yung itatapon tapos nakita ko itong isang yellow notebook. Binuksan ko. It was a draft notes. Sinusulat ko dito yung mga bagay na gusto kong iblog. Para siyang diary pero magulong magulo. Then I saw this unfinished and unposted draft.

I was laughing! It was written a year ago. I didn’t noticed that I’ve been a different Mark since then. It was (originally) entitled:

RF: I Do Believe in Love at First Sight.

Taliwas sa pinaniniwalaan ko ngayon. The post goes like this:

Minsan naniniwala ako sa kasabihan na yan. May mga pagkakataon talagang bigla na lang ako matatanga sa isang tao. Pero hindi ko gad tinatanggap ang pakiramdam na tinamaan ako ng sobra. May isang bagay muna akong ginagawa bago ko sabihing may tama ako sa isang tao.

Pagtapos kong maikita sa unang tingin tatalikod ako para kiligin. Pero hindi doon natatapos yun. Sinisigurado kong pagkatapos kong kiligin, titignan ko ulit siya para makasigurado…

Then the draft was cut.

After a year, I found myself changing my perspective with love at first sight. I told my friend once.

You know I really don’t believe in love at first sight unless it was a true love. But true love is reciprocated. Kaya kung nagkagusto man ako sayo sa unang tingin at wala kang naramdaman sa akin nang makita mo ako then its not love at first sight. It’s just merely a false alarm or what we called infatuation.

But still its not a definite opinion. Sometimes, true love just need time to build up. Hindi ko rin masasabi.

The funny part is, nung nabasa ko yung post, parang kinain ko lahat ng sinabi ko. Well, I guess I’m just denying the fact that I really do believe in love at first sight after all. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nagtrigger sa akin to have a different perspective. Pero the evidence that shows na naniniwala pala ako dito before is enough to prove na I really do believe. Siguro, lumawak lang yung pananaw ko pagdating dito. Nevertheless. Hindi talaga maiiwasan ang mga ganitong bagay. Darating at darating talaga yan kahit hindi gustuhin. Kahit ilang beses mo pang makita yan. Kapag tinamaan ka. Tatamaan ka talaga.